Home » Jaya Part Two: Consciousness vs. Culture
Jaya Part Two: Consciousness vs. Culture
It’s part of living here, I’m coming to see. The question of consciousness vs. culture.
When Jaya first started working with us, or, when we first started living with her, when we moved into this house, I was never sure of myself. I knew that her last employer, an Indian woman, had completely different methods of dealing with a “servant” than I would ever be comfortable with.
In the West, cleaners and cooks are professionals, treated as such. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’ve never personally come across a household that lived with such a hierarchy as exists here between castes. Castes, as categories that define your position in the workforce, dictate almost everything else about you; who you can marry, how you are treated, where you end up on the totem pole. (Mixing metaphors here- wrong people group.)
In my home, caste has no place. I don’t believe in a caste system, it is as simple as that. I believe that people are brothers and sisters; that we don’t step down to reach one another, that we don’t look up with cricks in our necks. But I struggled with treating Jaya differently than she was used to being treated. Would she feel uncomfortable? Would it mess with who she was in her society? I wanted to be sensitive, but I didn’t really want her to feel servile towards my family.
We felt our way through things. I’m sure it was uncomfortable for her at times, getting used to us crazy Westerners, jumping around and dancing in the living room. It was uncomfortable for me at times, trying to decide whether I should carry Jaya’s chai to her when I made it, even knowing it made her flinch a little. But the chai was done, I wanted to give it to her. For me, acts of service are something we do for everyone. For her, it put me in her role, which, at first, made her uncomfortable.
But over the last couple of months, we’ve figured things out. Some of it has come from being really clear. These are the things we’d like you to do. And kindness becomes her, really, she flourishes. She laughs a lot now. She jokes with us all the time. I have come to love Jaya a lot. It is good for me to see that kindness can motivate someone to do their best just as much, if not more, than keeping someone “in their place.”
And then there are other ways of being clear. Because the situation is strange right now, being as Jaya lives with us, there is never a time that she isn’t here. I was uncomfortable because often when I tried to do something, Jaya would tell me that she could do it. But I like to do things. I like to do lots of things. So being clear really helped.
I make breakfast and lunch. Jaya makes dinner. I organize and tidy and put things away. Jaya does laundry and sweeps and mops. She does the dishes. We both put dishes away. Renee and Jaya and I all alternate between making chai. (Although hers is best.) Renee and I make the yogurt daily. Jaya and I both clean the bathroom. I take the trash to someone who can take it to the dumpster. I burn the bathroom trash. Jaya goes to the market to buy vegetables.
In a way, it’s a lot like any community, although strangely, one of us is getting paid to be here and keep things clean. But the roles need to be defined so everyone feels, “I can live here, I can make this my home.” And that’s what consciousness dictates to me. Although this is our house-my family’s and Renee’s, it is everybody’s home.
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Thanks for sharing how you’re making it work. I’m so glad you have Jaya, and Renee as part of your home there. And I have to hand it to you for making chai for an Indian woman! And, I’d love to read how you make your yogurt.
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
You are a good employer! It is such a sensitive area and you have handled it well.
September 3rd, 2008 at 7:23 pm
You made me cry. Beautiful sensitivity and love.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Wow! .
Beautifully written.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Rebeca- coming up!